Trying Not To Give Up Hope

I am trying not to give up hope, after I posted the last post I exercised and took a shower and tried to get some stuff done (although the posting times might be close together because I noticed a few typos so I just fixed them!) I still have a headache, its a heavy in the back of my head kind of ache, most likely tension. I still am quite sad and want to cry a lot. I still cannot think of anything positive so I am just trying not to think. When I try thinking positive and getting myself cheered up something else happens to bring me back down so I am just not going to think at all. I need to find a rubber band to put on my wrist. My therapist suggested it. Whenever I think a negative thought I flick the rubber band. Its like negative reinforcement, since positive thinking and reinforcement doesn't seem to be working and just makes it hurt worse when it goes bad! I don't like having all this negativity so if I have the rubber band maybe I can at least train myself to stop thinking negatively.

My headache is getting worse right now, I just wanted to post to make sure I didn't seem so dire. I know I get a bit dramatic, I really do feel a bit hopeless right now, but not completely. The future is not set, I know this. I don't know why I am being put through such an incredibly difficult trial but someday it'll pass, right? I have to at least believe that. I must be here for a reason, its just too hard to see right now. Its just that I was miserable with my life before I was diagnosed so I drank a lot to deal. Now my life is even worse and I don't even have that to fall back on! I lost my job, my friends, and my escape. I am stubborn though and don't give up that easily. I just wish I had someone around to help me through this is all, its very hard to go through alone. I hope no one else ever has to go through this alone.